Saturday, 8 February 2014

Chapter 3rd.

I had no strength for anything. I would like to never wake up. I don't want to live. Again with eyes the tears began to flow. It had to be beautiful, romantic dinner, and what came out? So many of the plans so many hours spent together and the only thing I remember are the words "I love her more. Sorry." Why persuaded me that he loves me more than life? Why say that I'm the one he wants to spend the rest of his life? Why did all these plans for the future?
At that moment I heard the doorbell ring. I perked up from the bed. I was hoping that James came. That brought me roses and says he apologizes that he didn't love her. I ran downstairs and opened the door. Outside stood Angela and Alex. At the sight of them I cried. Girls without words cuddled me. We went inside and went to my room. They began to question what had happened. I couldn't utter a word. Looking at them before the eyes I had James. Many common hours spent our entire pack, and now I dont belong to this pack. I learned from them that they wanted to talk with the boy to find out what happened, but he isnt at home. I know where it is. I said with great pain:
- He's with Stella.
After these words, I started crying even harder. I felt that life escapes me.
- Do you know? I dont want to live. I want to die - saying this I looked at my outfit.
I was in a dress, which I wore for yesterday's dinner. It was wrinkled, had spots of ink and stains from tears. I pulled out of the closet and changed into a tracksuit. Dress hijacked and threw in the trash. The girls looked at me without saying anything. From hanger also took off my dress, which I got before the exam. Shared the fate of the first dresses. I pulled out of my neck chain and a bracelet from my hand. I read again the inscription engraved providing love and then I put everything on hand Angela and said:
- Give it to James.
- Jess, don't be silly - my cousin said, looking into my eyes.
- Dont fooling around. This is the end, and I want to close this chapter now. I don't want any souvenirs after him. It hurts. He now hugs another girl and is happy.
- But life doesn't end up on one guy - Alex whispered.
- For me it was over. I have to rethink my whole future. Do you know? Looking at you reminds me of all the moments that we spent with the guys. Forgive me, but I want to be alone.
- We don't leave you - I heard from Alex. - We are friends.
- When I look at you, even more I suffer. I hate James, I hate boys, I hate the whole One Step. And I wish you luck. I never believe any longer in love.
I stood at the window and started staring into space. It began to rain. The sky was crying just like me. Probably crying with my stupidity. How could I trust him? How could I allow him to be my whole life?
The girls cuddled me and went out. I put the album One Step to the player. I sat on the floor, pulled the legs to each other, embraced them with his hands, and launched a pilot equipment. When I heard the first song, my tears flowed. I couldnt think of what will happen next. In my head was like a hole. Like someone cleaned my part of the brain on James.
I switched on my favorite piece. I repeated this song all the time.
- I'm broken. Do you hear me? I'm blinded cause you are everything I see.
I repeated the words like a mantra. I said, crying. When I heard the words of James:

Would you lay down in my arms and rescue me? Cause we are the same. You save me.

I cried even more. I lay down on the bed, and curled. At one point I got up and took another CD shelves. This time Avril Lavigne. I couldn't hear any more One Step. These songs were killing me. With tears running down my cheeks with, I took the disc from the player and broke into small pieces. Everything, including packaging threw in the trash where they were dresses. I thought it would help alleviate my pain. Unfortunately, I was wrong. I put the disc Avril and switched to "Wish You Were Here". I lay down on the bed and listened to the words. In words that express what I feel right now.

I can be tough
I can be strong
But with you, it's not like that at all
There's a girl
That gives a shit
Behind this wall
You just walk throught it

And I remember all those crazy things you said
You left them running throught my head
You're always there
You're everywhere
But right now I wish you were here

All those crazy things we did
Didn't think about it just went with it
You're always there
You're everywhere
But right now I wish you were here

Damn, damn, damn
What I'd do to have you
Here, here, here
I wish you were here
Damn, damn, damn.
What I'd do to have you
Near, near, near

Each verse of this song add me even more pain, but still listened to it over and over again. I felt a great longing. I wanted so much to James hugged me and wiped my tears. I was so happy hugging him, falling asleep in his arms. Why happiness is always so short?

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