Sunday, 30 March 2014

Chapter 8th.


Returning from Jess I cried again. I constantly before eyes I had her hands. When I got to the hous where I lived with the rest of the band, I immediately headed to my room. I didn't answet the questions guys who were amazed that I was already in London. I lay down on the bed and lay there in silence, and the tears ran down my face. I took out my cell phone from my pocket and opened the window for writing messages. I wrote to Jess:

 love you. I love you. I love you. I love you. I love you. I love you. I love you. I love you. I love you. I love you. I love you. I love you. I love you. I love you. I love you. I love you. I love you. I love you. I love you. I love you. I love you. I love you. I love you. I love you. I love you. I love you. I love you. I love you. 

I'll love you forever. I'll always be waiting for you.

I sent and waited for a response. However, this didnt come. I sighed and closed my eyes. Despite the afternoon hours I wanted to sleep. Unfortunately, I heard a knock and Matt came into the room. 
- Good morning. She isnt here. A few minutes ago she went to the station. 

- Harry, what happened? You had to come back tomorrow. 
- I miss London. 
- Tell the truth, cuz somehow hard to believe that you miss for us. 
- I was with Jess. You know she had cut up? 
- What are you talking about?!
- She was a suicide attempt. Tomorrow she goes and I dont know where. He says that forever. It's all by James!
- I'll talk to Angela. Maybe she knows something. 
After these words he came out, and I was alone. I lay and mentioned watching the stars on our river. I wanted so badly to this moment never ended. I would go back to that moment. I could have told her about the message. May she have believed. 
I was able to fall asleep. I woke up in the middle of the night. I went downstairs to the kitchen, because I felt hungry. I took out the jar of Nutella from the cupboard and began to eat it with a spoon. I was thinking what to do to Jess didnt go. I know! I'll go to her in the morning and declare to her. Maybe then she will believe in my love. I smiled at his own thoughts. It's just that I dont have a ring. It's nothing. If she agrees, we'll go together to a jeweler. Or not. I'll go in the morning and buy the most beautiful ring that will be in the store.
I went upstairs. I took a shower, and then with a smile I was able to fall asleep. Before that, I set the alarm cuz i didnt want to oversleep. Although even I didnt know when Jess was leaving.
The sound of the alarm tore me from sleep. I got up lucky because I had a good plan for how to stop Jess. I took a quick shower, got dressed and left. I havent eaten anything because I was too bad time. I had to make it before leaving Jess. Fifteen minutes later, parked in front of a jewelry store. I know that when driving broke many rules, but now I dont care. I went inside and I started to look around.
- Can I help you? - I heard the voice of jeweler.
- Yes. I need the most beautiful ring for a girl. For my future wife - I said proudly. - Invalid price. It just has to be the nicest.
The man smiled. After a moment, watching the engagement rings. I chose one of them. It seemed to me the most beautiful. Jeweler packed it in a box in the shape of a heart. I paid and quickly left the store. I got into the car and headed for homeof Jess. Standing in front of her door, I felt like my heart thumping. I took a deep breath and pressed the bell. After a moment, the door opened and I saw Jess's mom. 
- Good morning. Can I talk to Jess? - I asked with a smile on my face despite the slight nervousness. 

I felt like a smile out of my face. Not saying anything I turned and ran to the car. I started with a screech of tires. I broke all the rules of the road that apply. I couldnt let her leave. I couldnt lose her. It was the last chance.

Sunday, 23 March 2014

Chapter 7th.


Yesterday and today I spent the day in bed. My mom didnt went to work and took care of me. What a moment came asking if I dont need anything. I had to think about what to do next. I made a few phone calls. One of them was to Angela. I said that I have to leave and start my life differently. I told her also that if I dont have the forces to meet with her ​​and Alex. I apologized to her for it. She wasnt mad at me. In the evening, when to my room once again expectant mother said: 
- I want to go for a while. I wanna forget what happened and begin my new life as a quite different Jess. I settled everything. I'm leaving the day after tomorrow.
- I won't stop you. You're an adult. I think it's a good decision. We'll go shopping tomorrow?
I was torn after hearing this question. On the one hand I didnt want to leave the house, but then I promised myself that I forget about James.
- Yes, we'll go - I said confident. - I need to buy some new stuff for the new phase of life.
My mother hugged me. I noticed that her tears flowed.
- Mom, dont cry - I said, my voice breaking.
- I'm not crying - she said, giving me a smile, and surreptitiously wiping away tears. I pretended that I dont see. - Are you hungry? I made waffles.
We went downstairs. I made hot chocolate and together with my mother sat down to the table. We drank, ate and talked as if nothing had happened, although my heart is still bleeding. Later, I went to each other. I lay down on the bed, I put the headphones and along with the sounds of Coldplay moved to a completely different world. At one point, I fell asleep. I woke up after ten. Full of verve took a shower, got dressed and makeup done. Unwrapped the bandages and I wrapped my hands with new ones. I regretted what I did. The scars that will always be reminded me of James. Boyfriend, whom I love so much, but I hope that my trip will help me to forget about the past.
I went downstairs to the kitchen where already was my mother. Seeing her I forced a smile on my face.
She returned the gesture. We ate breakfast and we went to the mall. It was hot, and I had a sweatshirt with long sleeves. Walking a few hours after the store I bought a few new things. They were long sleeve shirts and jeans and shorts. We did the shopping for dinner. For those few hours, I managed to forget about James. After returning home, my mom took for preparing dinner, and I went to pack. I'm leaving tomorrow. I'm starting a new life. I hope that a better life. I put into the bag a few books, a laptop and other trinkets. In the dressing room I took the clothes for different weather and packed. I was standing and looking at the suitcase I wondered what else to take. Eventually I left baggage in the dressing room, not standing in the middle of the room. I sat on the bed and looked around his room. So much reminded me of James. About all the times spent together.
At the same moment I heard a knock at the door. Harry walked into my room. Seeing him, I immediately got up.
- What are you doing here? - I asked sharply.
- I need to talk to you.
- Get out! everything said.
- I'm not leaving until you dont hear.
- Then I go out - I said and walked past him toward the door.
At this point, he grabbed my hand. It hurt me because he caught me in a place where I had the wound.
- Leave me - I hissed his face contorted in a grimace of pain.
- I beg you, stay.
He grabbed my other hand. I winced even more. I wanted to wrench out of his grasp, but at this point the sleeve of my sweatshirt revealed bandage. Harry saw it, gave me the sleeve up. He terrified face. He did the same with my other hand. Seeing my two bandages on my forearms, looked me in the eye.
- Jess, what did you do? - He asked quietly. - It's by James?
- No. - I said, looking down.
Harry crouched down in front of me and put my bandaged hands to his face. He began to kiss bandage. I could feel the tears running down my cheeks.
- Harry get out - I said.
- I beg, Jess. Listen to me.
He stood up and looked at me. I saw the eyes flowing with tears.
- Harry, I'm leaving tomorrow.
- You're leaving? Where? For how long?
- Forever. I want to start a new life. Away from you, from James. From around the One Step. I want to forget about you. My stage of life with you in the lead role has been completed. My luck was that I met you, but the biggest mistake was that I loved you.
- Jess, I beg you. Stay. Dont leave. I love you. I won't hurt you, James. Give me a chance.
- Harry, love isnt there. I don't want it. I don't want beautiful words, and then disappointment.
- You promised to be my friend, and friends don't leave overnight. Friends keep their word.
- Friends don't lie, and you lied to me.
- You wouldn't believe me if I had told you about the message.
- You don't know. You're always know how to bugger up everything that is beautiful.
- Jess give me a chance. Let me be with you and love you. You know what I feel for you. I don't proceed like the idiot.
- No, Harry. Now please, leave me alone.
He lowered his head and walked out. Into my room came my mother and telling me that dinner is ready and I have to go down. I went and sat down at the table.
- For what came Harry? - Asked my mother at some point.
I told her about our conversation. After dinner I finished packing. I turned on the DVD my favorite movie. So I missed the rest of the day and evening.

Sunday, 9 March 2014

Chapter 6th.


Returning from Jess, I cried the whole way. Almost have caused the accident, but fortunately nothing happened. I've never seen Jess in such a condition. She looked like she was suffering from a serious illness. I wish I had told her earlier messages from Stella. Maybe everything would be different. Now she doesnt want to see me. She thinks that I deliberately lied to her. I would never lie. She doesnt even know what I would do for her. I love her so much.
When I parking the car in front of the house, quickly got out and went inside. I wanted to hunt down the asshole who had hurt her. As low threshold shouted:
- James!
Craig sat in the living room with Alex. They said that the blonde is not at home. Seeing me amazed.
- What are you doing here? You went to the family - said the boy.
- I came straight to Jess today. You know what she is able! She doesnt want to talk to me, but it's my fault, because I knew about the messages from Stella, and dont tell her. He hates me for it.
- I was with her today - said Alex. - I saw her.
- I'll kill James as soon as I see him. Tomorrow morning I go back to my parents because today I have to talk to him.
- Harry, I think it isnt a good idea. You know how it ends - as usual pretended Craig wisest. This time he was right, but I would insist on his own.
I went to his room. I sat down on the bed and picked up the phone. I turned on the gallery and started watching photos of Jess. She was smiling at them. It was quite a different person than the one I saw today. I started to cry. I cant survive that, I couldnt see her any more. I need to prove to her that I love her.
I sat and I mentioned all the good moments spent with her. I decided to call her. She wouldnt answer, but I dont I subjected. I knew I had to talk to her. I knew that this may be my last chance. Finally received. She didnt give me anything to explain. I felt that I lost her. By this even more hated James.
I heard the front door slam. Only he always crackled them. I waited until he goes to himself. I got up and took a deep breath. I could feel tears me angry. I went to his room. I went in without knocking, which I immediately heard the boy's voice raised:
- You cant knock?!
- You dont deserve humane treatment! How could you hurt Jess?! You know how she feels now?! You know how it looks?
- Exaggerate - he said rolling his eyes. - Anyway, you dont know anything.
- I dont know?! Repressed messages! Forbade me to tell Jess, and now she hates me for it!
I threw myself at him. I pushed him on the shelf. Fromthe shelves dropped CDs, and books.
- Control yourself! - he shouted.
- I hate you! - I shouted, grabbing the laptop. With all my strength threw it on the floor. Shattered, as I heard a scream the blonde:
- What are you doing?! Destroyed my computer!
- That by him, and for you, Jess hates me!
I grabbed his shirt and yanked him. His t-shirt is ripped. At this point, Craig ran into the room and began to pull me away from James.
- Leave me alone! - I shouted.
- Harry, calm down! It wont help. You'll get a problem!
I pulled up and threw on a blonde. He pushed me. I hit my head on the shelf. In the face flowed my blood, but I felt no pain. Seeing red liquid on my hand shouted:
- I'll kill you! For Jess and for what you've done to me now!
Craig didnt let me get close to the boy. He pulled me by force and led from the room. Forcibly escorted me to my room and threw me on the bed.
- Harry, it wont change anything! - He said. - We need another way to help Jess.
- She doesnt want anyone to see - I said, and my eyes filled with tears. At the same time Alex came into the room. Seeing my cut on forehead ran quickly after the patch. I disinfected the wound and bandage stuck. I sat and cried, and the girl sat down next to me. She hugged me and tried to comfort me. I realized that beating James wont change anything. If I want to recover Jess I should do something else. I have to come up with something.
- I wanna be alone - I said.
- But dont go out of the room - I heard even my friend and together with his fiancée left my room.
I lay down on the bed and started to think what to do. At one point, I fell asleep. I dont even know when it happened.
I woke up at 8 a.m. Typically, slept longer, but today I had to go back to the family home. I promised the family. I took a quick shower and changed clothes. I ate cereal with milk, and then I quickly hit the road. I didnt want to fall in the morning on James, I dont know how it would end. Would willingly have remained in London to be near Jess, but she wouldnt want to see me so even the trip to the family is a good idea. Maybe there I can come up with something. I was going and I though about a teenage girl. I should be happy that she isnt longer with James but seeing as she is suffering I would prefer that they were still a couple. Then she was smiling and she liked me. Now she hates me. I dont even want to think that our friendship may be over. I need it. She is my oxygen. I need his in my life.
A few hours later I was already in place. As I promised my sister and my mom went shopping. I didnt head to the madness of the mall, but I wanted to make them happy. Mother probably noticed that something was wrong because the few times she asked if something had happened and asked about my wound on his forehead. I didnt like lying to her, but I didnt want to tell her the truth. It wasnt the right place or time.
After returning home, I was still lost in thought. My mom and Jenny did dinner, and I sat in the living room. I turned on the computer and I logged on Twitter. The trend was James and Stella. Everywhere circulated photos of them dating. The blond was happy as ever with Jess. Seeing all this, I felt as angry tears me up inside. I was afraid that these images didnt see my friend. I went in person to observe and started looking for her. I was surprised because she should be at the beginning. It wasnt her. In the search I typed the name of her Twitter, but nothing has displayed. She removed the account. All accounts on social networks, which have been removed. It scared me. It looked as if Jess didnt exist. Or is it all a dream, and this girl really doesnt exist? Maybe all these months I lived in some disease? No, I'm healthy. I know that there is Jess, I love her, and she now suffers.
My meditation was interrupted by my mother going into the living room and said:
- Come for dinner.
- Yes, yes. I'm coming - I said, closing the laptop. To be honest, I was not at all hungry.
I followed her and sat down in front of my sister. I ate in silence. At one point I looked at my mom, which was sad. I gave her a smile and started asking what's new. We talked about everything and about nothing. I didnt want to mother noticed my sadness. Though still suspected something.
In the evening I arranged with old friends. We had to go to my friend. I was glad that it wont a girl because before my eyes again, I had Jess.
The event was a success. I miss my old pack. We remembered old times. We laughed and drank beer. I returned home in the morning. I felt like a roar in my head. I immediately went to sleep. I slept late. I could sleep longer if not for my mother, who came to wake me for dinner. I took in quickly and went downstairs. I was really hungry. Mother asked me how it was at the party. I said that it was great. We talked about plans for the evening. I didnt have any plans, but my sister went out on a date with her boyfriend. When it announced, I felt sorry, but I didnt let it show it. I should enjoy her happiness.
In the evening, while sitting in the living room and drinking coffee with my mom, I constantly looked at my cell phone. I hope that Jess will call or write. My mother probably noticed it because I asked if I wait for a phone. I sighed and replied that no.
- Harry, tell me what happened. I'm your mother and I'm worried. I can see that something is wrong. Yet this your wound on his head.
- For four days we go on tour. I wont be for many months. And this is nothing - added by touching the patch.
- You didnt tell me that you're worried about this? It's about a girl? Do you have any problems?
- Really everything is fine. I have no problems.
- I can see that something's bothering you.
I decided not to lie to her again and told everything that lay in my heart. My mother listened in silence.
- Do you love her? - Asked at the end.
I didnt know what to say. But then I said:
- Yes, I love it. But she doesnt want to forgive me for not telling her about the message.
- You know, Harry? If it was then told she wouldnt believe you. She now suffers, and that is why says that she hates you. You have to give her time, but you need to show her that you are with her. And that you'll be forever near to her.
- It isnt easy, especially that in a few days we leave on tour. I wontt see her for many months.
- I know you still be here tomorrow, but go to her. Stay with her. Even if she doesnt want. I wish your happiness, and if the girl gives it to you and you love her then you should fight and be with her. So get up in the morning and get back to London. It is late so I dont want you riding at night. Remember, if you have any problems you can always rely on me.
- Thank you, Mom. I love you - I said, hugging her.
- I love you too, son.
I went upstairs to pack his things. I hope that the family wont blame me for that went before.

Saturday, 15 February 2014

Chapter 5th.

This pain was smaller than the one that I felt in my heart and who asked me to James and Harry. I sat on the floor leaning against the bed. Blood trickled down to me after the hand. I got up and took a photo album. I took all the pictures related to One Step. I sat with them in place. I lay on the floor of a shard of glass. I started to rip all the photos. They were in the blood. My blood. All photos were date. Tearing and crying. I didnt feel the pain associated with wounds on my hands. When all the images lay in pieces on the floor, I picked up a shard of glass and started to perform cuts on my left hand, and then did the same with the right. Each wound is month to meet with James. Blood flowed all over my hands. Running down my legs, on which I had based hands. Red liquid soiled my pants and the floor around me. Every cut I wanted to ease the psychic pain. It was worse than the physical pain. At the same time entered the room my mom. Seeing what I was doing, she shouted:
- God, Jess!
I looked at her, crying. My mom grabbed the shirt of James lying on the bed. She began her rip and wrap my hands to stop the bleeding. Seeing what he was doing shouted:
- Leave it! This t-shirt of James!
- Stop it! He doesnt exist! He's gone - she said wrapping my arms. James shreds shirts were covered in blood.
I sat on the floor with my hands wrapped in James's t-shirt. Although the t-shirt is no longer resembled. These were only shreds the material covered in blood.
My mom went to the bathroom after the first aid kit. After a while she came back. I didnt feel physical pain. Psychic pain was killing me. T-shirt was the only thing that was given to me after James. Now there was nothing. I hate my mother for what she did. She doesnt even know how much this t-shirt meant for me. She unwrapped my hands, disinfected wounds that were not as deep as it might seem and made a bandage dressings. I saw the tears down her cheek. I wanted to scream that she left me, but I couldnt. When the dress over my hands lay on the bed. Mother stroked my head. I grabbed her hand, looked into her sad, teary eyes and whispered:
- I'm sorry.
She hugged me tightly, saying:
- He isnt worth your pain. He isnt worth anything. He hurt you.
- Dont talk about it. I still love him.
- You cant destroy my life by one boy.
- I havent life. Gone along with James.
- Dont say that. You have in front of you for many years.
At this point, my phone rang. I took it off the floor and looked at the display where the image blink Harry. I rejected the call.
- Why dont you answer? After all, you are friends - told my mom looked at my cell phone.
- We were friends. He deceived me. He knew about everything and hid from me. I no longer have friends.
- Dont talk nonsense. You have Angela, Alex.
- They belong to the One Step, and I dont want them to have nothing in common.
Harry didnt give up and still have been regularly struck.
- I think you should pick up and talk to him - she said. She gave me a kiss on the forehead and left.
I looked for a gift from Harry. I loved the two boys. Both of them cheated me. I picked up a ringing phone, saying:
- Don't call me anymore. I don't want you to know. I am for you, no longer exist.
- Jess, listen to me - he said in a pleading voice.
- No! Leave me alone!
- I love you. Give me a chance to explain everything.
- James also loved me. Or so he said.
- I'm not James!
- Both are alike! Both tricked me! Were playing with my mind! You dont even know what the friendship. Every friend always speaks the truth. You didnt tell her. 
- I'm sorry - Harry whispered, his voice breaking. I heard him sniff and then hung up. 
I turned to the side. I heard a knock on the door, but didnt even turned around. 
- Did you talk to Harry? - I heard my mother's voice.
- Yes. I said that he would never call me no. I dont want to see or hear him. 
My mother gave me tablets and water in a glass. I sat down and drank it all. Again, I lay down and closed my eyes. I felt like my mom covered me with a blanket and then leaves the room. I managed to fall asleep. The tablets worked.

Thursday, 13 February 2014

Chapter 4th.

I turned off the music. Now I wanted silence. I lay curled up and staring at the wall. A few months ago this place was a poster One Step, but after meeting the guys it took off, because I had them in real life.
Passed minutes and hours, and I still looked at one point. It reminded me that on the shelf in the dressing room is t-shirt he left James. Quickly I got up and went to the her. With t-shirt in hand returned to bed. I put my head on his shirt. I wanted to smell the boy. I could feel tears running down my steep and t-shirt. At one point I sighed and sat down. I looked around the room, which in every corner reminded me of James. After a few seconds, I went to the bathroom. I was hoping that taking a shower wash the self all the pain and suffering. However, the water didnt change anything. I went back to the room and lay down again, hugging T-shirt. I had no strength to cry. I heard a knock at the door. Dont be deceived, it's my James. Even I didnt react to the sound. After a while, my mom came into the room.
- Are you sleeping? - she asked.
I didnt answer anything.
- Why you threw dress? - Again I heard her question. - It was a gift from James.
- That's why I threw it - I muttered.
- What happened? Can we talk?
- James cast me - I said, and burst into tears.
My mother sat on the bed and hugged me. Not only resisted snuggled into her even more. Her clothing soaked with tears, and she stroked my hair.
At the same moment we heard the doorbell ring. Mom got up and went to open it. I heard back on top.
- You have a visitor - she told and then went downstairs.
I felt the heart beat faster. This time I deluded myself that it was James. I looked toward the door. Harry stood in the doorway with a big plush dog.
- Get out! I dont want to see you - I shouted, and eyes welled with tears again.
However, the boy went inside, closed the door and said:
- You can hate me, you can insult me, though I dont know why. But I didnt do anything to you. Do you remember? You wanted a little puppy. Shops are already closed so I bought that. I dont know whether it is a puppy, but it is sweet.
He put a stuffed animal on the bed. I looked at the gift, and then at the boy. I got up, walked to the window and cried. Harry walked up to me and hugged me, saying,
- This asshole doesn't deserve your love and not worth shed tears because of it.
I turned and looked at the boy.
- Do you know? But I love this asshole wildly. I love and hate.
At this moment we heard a knock and the door opened. My mom brought us juice and cake. Then, without a word went out, and I pulled away from Harry.
- I know, Jess, I know.
- You don't know.
- You don't know how much I know about the pain, suffering.
- What are you doing here? After all, you went to the family - I changed the subject.
- Yes, I went. But when I found out what happened and how you suffer, I couldnt stand on the site so I came today. Tomorrow morning I'm leaving. I promised my mother that I will spend those few days with them, but I'll be back. And before going on tour I'll come to you too.
- You know, Harry? This meeting today with you is our last meeting.
- Jess, what are you talking about? - Asked horrified.
- I completed my stage of life called "One Step". I want to close this chapter and never to return. You create unity. Looking at you I see James, and all shared moments with him.
- I don't want to associate you with the suffering that gave you James. I'm not like him.
- You're all the same - I said, walking over to the desk and taking a glass of juice. I handed it to Harry.
- You said that we will always be friends, that we can always count on each other. If you want, I can leave the band. I'll do it for you. I dont want to lose you. I want to always be near you.
- There isnt such thing as "forever." If there is I would still be with James. He also said that we ALWAYS be together.
- But I'm not James! After all, you promised me that we will still watch the stars as last time.
- But then I didnt know that it will roll up my life.
- Life goes on. Even without James. After all, you got me, Angela, Alex, Rose, Matt, Craig, Lewis.
- No, Harry. I no longer belong to your pack. Been able to live without me for so many years before we met, so now you can do just fine.
- No, I cant live without you.
- You'll have to, because my life has changed dramatically yesterday. Now my place will be Stella.
- Who? - He said with a chuckle juice.
- Stella. New girlfriend of James. Do you know her?
- No, I dont. But .... I should tell you this a long time ago. Do you remember how little dont beat James? How do you interrupted me, "James you ..."?
I listened to all this in silence. I learned about the message from Stella, which he read Harry.
- You couldnt tell me this before? - I cried. Eyes welled with tears again.
- I'm sorry.
- You're just like him! He only said "sorry"!
- James said that you wouldnt believe me. And he was right. You believed him. Even just laughed at me.
- Get out!
- Jess ...
- You lied to me! Hiding the truth! Did you have fun? I hate you! Disappear from my life forever as James! - Screaming, crying.
He wanted to hug me, but I pushed him away.
- Get out!
Harry bowed his head and walked out. I burst out crying even louder. Two people that I loved the most, lied to me. I hate them.
I finished my juice and threw a glass at the door. Shattered, and pieces of glass scattered across the floor. I took the biggest chunk and I turned it in his hand. I looked at his sharp edges that hurt my hand.

Saturday, 8 February 2014

Chapter 3rd.

I had no strength for anything. I would like to never wake up. I don't want to live. Again with eyes the tears began to flow. It had to be beautiful, romantic dinner, and what came out? So many of the plans so many hours spent together and the only thing I remember are the words "I love her more. Sorry." Why persuaded me that he loves me more than life? Why say that I'm the one he wants to spend the rest of his life? Why did all these plans for the future?
At that moment I heard the doorbell ring. I perked up from the bed. I was hoping that James came. That brought me roses and says he apologizes that he didn't love her. I ran downstairs and opened the door. Outside stood Angela and Alex. At the sight of them I cried. Girls without words cuddled me. We went inside and went to my room. They began to question what had happened. I couldn't utter a word. Looking at them before the eyes I had James. Many common hours spent our entire pack, and now I dont belong to this pack. I learned from them that they wanted to talk with the boy to find out what happened, but he isnt at home. I know where it is. I said with great pain:
- He's with Stella.
After these words, I started crying even harder. I felt that life escapes me.
- Do you know? I dont want to live. I want to die - saying this I looked at my outfit.
I was in a dress, which I wore for yesterday's dinner. It was wrinkled, had spots of ink and stains from tears. I pulled out of the closet and changed into a tracksuit. Dress hijacked and threw in the trash. The girls looked at me without saying anything. From hanger also took off my dress, which I got before the exam. Shared the fate of the first dresses. I pulled out of my neck chain and a bracelet from my hand. I read again the inscription engraved providing love and then I put everything on hand Angela and said:
- Give it to James.
- Jess, don't be silly - my cousin said, looking into my eyes.
- Dont fooling around. This is the end, and I want to close this chapter now. I don't want any souvenirs after him. It hurts. He now hugs another girl and is happy.
- But life doesn't end up on one guy - Alex whispered.
- For me it was over. I have to rethink my whole future. Do you know? Looking at you reminds me of all the moments that we spent with the guys. Forgive me, but I want to be alone.
- We don't leave you - I heard from Alex. - We are friends.
- When I look at you, even more I suffer. I hate James, I hate boys, I hate the whole One Step. And I wish you luck. I never believe any longer in love.
I stood at the window and started staring into space. It began to rain. The sky was crying just like me. Probably crying with my stupidity. How could I trust him? How could I allow him to be my whole life?
The girls cuddled me and went out. I put the album One Step to the player. I sat on the floor, pulled the legs to each other, embraced them with his hands, and launched a pilot equipment. When I heard the first song, my tears flowed. I couldnt think of what will happen next. In my head was like a hole. Like someone cleaned my part of the brain on James.
I switched on my favorite piece. I repeated this song all the time.
- I'm broken. Do you hear me? I'm blinded cause you are everything I see.
I repeated the words like a mantra. I said, crying. When I heard the words of James:

Would you lay down in my arms and rescue me? Cause we are the same. You save me.

I cried even more. I lay down on the bed, and curled. At one point I got up and took another CD shelves. This time Avril Lavigne. I couldn't hear any more One Step. These songs were killing me. With tears running down my cheeks with, I took the disc from the player and broke into small pieces. Everything, including packaging threw in the trash where they were dresses. I thought it would help alleviate my pain. Unfortunately, I was wrong. I put the disc Avril and switched to "Wish You Were Here". I lay down on the bed and listened to the words. In words that express what I feel right now.

I can be tough
I can be strong
But with you, it's not like that at all
There's a girl
That gives a shit
Behind this wall
You just walk throught it

And I remember all those crazy things you said
You left them running throught my head
You're always there
You're everywhere
But right now I wish you were here

All those crazy things we did
Didn't think about it just went with it
You're always there
You're everywhere
But right now I wish you were here

Damn, damn, damn
What I'd do to have you
Here, here, here
I wish you were here
Damn, damn, damn.
What I'd do to have you
Near, near, near

Each verse of this song add me even more pain, but still listened to it over and over again. I felt a great longing. I wanted so much to James hugged me and wiped my tears. I was so happy hugging him, falling asleep in his arms. Why happiness is always so short?

Chapter 2nd.

- Tell me what happened - I said in a loud voice.
- I ... I met someone.
- What?! - I asked incredulously.
- I met a girl. I met her a long time ago. I fell in love with her. You know ... I love her. It seems to me that .... I love her more than you. Today, it is understood. I can't hurt you anymore and cheat. It's over.
- You cast me? - I said. My voice cracking.
- I ... I don't know how to say it. I love you too, but I realized that she has that "something" that attracts me. I realized that I want to spend the rest life with her.
- This is the blonde girl, right?
- Yes. I love Stella. Now what I'm with her.
- What with our dinner?
- Dinner? Sorry.
- How could you? I loved you so much, and you what? - Raised my voice.
I hung up because I couldn't do more to squeeze out of each other. I paid for the wine and walked out of the restaurant. I cried even more. I looked at the ringing phone. Shown a picture of a smiling James. This view struck me even more. After all, I picked up saying:
- Leave me alone. Stella is better.
- Jess, I'm sorry - said the hearing in which I am able.
- Do you think that the word "sorry" change anything? Will ease my pain? You're wrong. I don't even know how much I hurt.
- I know how you feel. Sorry. I'm really sorry.
- What you asshole you know about my feelings now! Been my whole world. You used me. I hate you.
I hung up. I didn't want to go home in such a state, but also didn't want to walk around London catching the eyes of others. I headed to the park. It was the only place that came to mind. The river was too far away. Sitting on the bench is still crying. I couldnt hold back the tears. People who passed me looked at me, but they dont know about me. My world fell apart. At this time I wouldnt live. In my head I had one thought: Why did the car killed me? Even then would end my suffering. I couldnt get over what I heard, what happened. I sat on a bench and  still cried. I pulled the legs up to chin and wrapped her arms them. Soaked dress from James. It was already dirty black ink, which I had painted lashes. Still in my head I hummed the words boyfriend about the future and those that heard today.
I looked at my watch. Reached ten. My body was so exhausted that I had no strength to cry. I sat and stared straight ahead. I felt like a drug addict going through withdrawal narcotic.
I didn't see any future for themselves. I decided to go home. I got there in half an hour. I immediately went to each other. I cringed at the bed and at the same time my phone rang. I took it out of the bag. I was sure that James is calling to say that it was just a joke and he's sorry. The display was blinking picture of Harry. I rejected the call because I didn't want to talk to anyone. The boy didn't give up. For any time I picked.
- Why are you calling? You already know and want to comfort me? - I screamed. Then I started laughing hysterically.
- Jess, are you drunk?
- Stoned dreams that vanished like a soap bubble. Don't call me no more. You'll never call me. I stopped there for you. You'll never see me. I promise you that. Disappear from your world forever.
- Jess, what are you talking about? Tell me how it was for dinner.
- Fuck, what about dinner?! It was great. I was waiting for my love forty minutes, I drank a glass of wine, and later found out that my boyfriend loves another. Great, isn't it?
Again, I started to laugh. Laugh and cry.
- Jess, I don't understand. Tell me what happened.
- James cast me! - I said, her voice breaking. - He said that the more he loves Stella and with her ​​he wants to spend the rest of his life. She has that "something" as he said it.
Again I started to laugh. After a while I burst into tears and hung up. Harry called me but I didn't I received. It just made me nervous so I turned off the phone. I lay there and cried. I felt like life escapes me.
At one point I looked at the photos hanging above the desk. I was at them with James. I got up and broke up them. I started to tear them to pieces. I cried hysterically at the same time. After a while I went back to bed, and curled up. I lay and pondered on how my life will look like. What will be tomorrow, next week, next month, next year. I don't want tomorrow to get up with the thought that James loves another girl.
I turned on the phone. I had thirty missed calls and more messages. Everything was from Harry. I didn't read any text messages. I immediately had removed them. I didn't want any words of comfort. I opened my popup for writing messages and wrote to Angela.

James cast me. Don't ask. I have no strength to tell what happened. You're my friend why I am writing to you. I hope that Matt won't hurt you and will be happy for life.

I sent and I looked at the wallpaper on the phone that there was a photo of James. I went into the gallery and removed the pictures of his. I wanted to completely erase it from memory. Then I looked at watch. Was after midnight. I felt great fatigue and a terrible headache. I lay curled up staring at the wall. After a while I fell asleep. Woke me headache. I opened my eyes and brought back memories of yesterday. James left me. Automatically sought out the phone under the pillow to look at the wallpaper that was his picture. Amazingly, the wallpaper wasn't. There was blank screen. It reminded me that the night had removed all the photos. I deluded myself that it will be any news from him. There was nothing.